I'd Rather Die Than Follow You
by 54thTrial
Summary: It was all a dark blur...but I could still remember the horrors from before the hold of that dark hand. Warnings inside. My more mature story.
1. Awaken

_**I'd Rather Die Than Follow You**_

**Warnings: Violence, gore, swearing, extreme OOCness (in flashbacks), OCs (side characters/dead), mentioned sex, homosexuality, past drug-use, past suicide attempts (mentioned), and other touchy subjects.**

**Pairings: Heavy Gibtauri; implied Ottova, Spandarin, and Chinmay**

_**Mandarin's POV**_

* * *

I don't remember much.

I remember my life from before. It was hard, but nice. Full of light and love despite the hardships and pain. I remember by brother's mischievous smirk, my father's kind smile, my brother-in-law's knowledge filled eyes. I remember the children's faces, too. So full of happiness and hope. We were happy, but I also remember the tension.

I remember the stiff shoulders and the worrying dart of eyes. I remember the dark hand that consumed my father. I remember that kind smile turn twisted and cruel. I remember the shouts of my brother. I remember the cries of the children. I remember the tremble of my brother-in-law's hand. My happiness...

Everything seemed to crash around me. We scattered trying to protect the children, to protect our home. We wiped their memories and locked them away so they would live for the future. We stood our guard. It wasn't in our natures to back down, but they fell. I watched as they were thrown aside. Fear struck me as I saw their limp bodies against the red stained ground. I remember tears stinging my eyes. I remember the red-hot pain. I remember that dark hand curling around my head. I remember that chilling energy threading through my mind. I faintly remember my scream.

Then nothing.

Everything from then on was a dark blur. A dark cold blur.

Then I awoke to a reddened sky and a blacked earth. My body stung and my bones creaked with tension as I struggled to sit up, my head pounding. I barely heard the groan that passed my lips and my chest was tight as i struggled for air. I felt like I had been running one of my brother's impossible obstacles during a blizzard.

I slowly stood, careful of my weakened knees and slowly took a look around. I noticed that everything looked burnt as though a wildfire rolled past here. But there was streaked spots of red everywhere. I had been through a war once some years ago, but this seemed different. This was done by a stronger power. That thought brought shivers up my spine and the nightmare of that dark hand that had once gently petted my head.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my pounding heart, tried to remember how I even got here to begin with. But my memories were blank. I groaned in frustrated. Somehow, I knew that it was the worst time to have amnesia.

But there was nothing I could do now. I just had to keep moving and hopefully find a friendly face to explain the current events. So I started to move in the direction that I hoped would lead me to the city...or what was left of it.

I can only pray that the children are alright.

* * *

**A/N: Hmm...yeah, I wanted to do something darker/more mature. :) I also wanted to see if I could hold a multi-chaptered story ^^; Wish me luck! :'D And this chapter isn't too great, but once I get into the flow, it will get better :3**

**Also, a future warning: Antauri. His pre-mindswipe character is VERY different from his current self. I do have reasoning behind this besides the fact that it's fun. So be patient with me :3**

**I also apologize if this isn't your cup of tea. :)**


	2. Watch the City Fall

_**I'd Rather Die Than Follow You**_

**Warnings: See Chapter 1**

**Chapter 2: Watch the City Fall**

_**Mandarin's POV**_

* * *

I felt like I had been walking for hours and my feet stung from the rough terrain. Why was I even barefoot anyway? I used to wear boots that would protect me from this issue. At least I still had my gloves, they were a comfortable familiarity though they did feel a bit off. I couldn't quite place the feeling, but I would figure it out later. I was simply too tired to analyze and my stomach growled angrily. When was the last time I ate?

If the fact I could feel my ribs through my fur meant anything, I could easily guess that it had been months. I gave a silent sigh of relief as I saw the city come into view. It was wrecked and broken, but it wasn't the first time I had seen it this way. And the need of food was more important at the moment, I could mourn later.

I slowly trudged to the ruins and was cautious as I moved around the rubble. I really didn't need any sudden surprises launching at me while in this state. especially since I didn't have my weapons on me and I was never the strongest hand-to-hand fighter. I stepped over masses of charred flesh and I became very aware of the horrid smell invading my senses.

"Ugh..." I groaned and pressed the back of my glove to my muzzle. This was the worst time to realize I no longer wore my scarf and could only depend on the worn fabric of my glove to block the fumes. I had lost a lot of the clothing I wore before I blacked out and I wondered why that was...

I looked around as I moved deeper into the city and I recognized a few signs, but others were foreign to me. I must have been out for years from how much things have changed. I walked by a broken window and I got a better look at myself in the jagged glass.

My fur was much darker than before, stained with dirt and what I guessed was dried blood. Probably mine from the lacerations littering my body. My fur was matted together and my nose scrunched up in disgust, I really needed a bath. I could see my ribs through my thinned fur and my eyes looked tired and nearly dead. It was frightening, but I could not let it get to me. I was still a solider and the children could still be alive.

My brothers could be alive.

I had to find something to eat and recover so I could find them. It was my duty to protect them.

I stumbled away from my reflection and kept moving. Surely there was food somewhere. I continued on and rummaged through different buildings, minding the rubble and broken glass. After some time, I collapsed to the ground and my stomach twisted violently. There seemed to be nothing around. It seemed like everything had been torched or taken. I was starting to get frustrated and my heart clenched with fear. Was I going to die like this? With no memories and without seeing my family? I could feel my eyes stinging with tears and I was suddenly glad my brother wasn't here. He would be furious if he saw me like this.

_"Giving up is weak." His deep, assertive tone made my bones tremble as I sat on the grass, defeated._

_I sniffed and struggled to hold back my tears, my ankle burning from a misstep. "But...I-I can't..."_

_He rolled his eyes and gave an impatient sigh. "So if an innocent bystander was getting mutilated right now a few feet away from you, you would just give up because 'you can't?' Is that what you're telling me?"_

_I winced slightly and bit my lip. "No...No I wouldn't give up..."_

_"No, of course you wouldn't. Because you're a protector and people come first." He stated not removing his hands from his hips. "Right, Mandy?"_

_I nodded weakly and tried to stand, giving a choked noise when pain shoots through my leg. I shook and tried to move, but my pitiful attempt is rewarded by my legs failing me and I collapsed back to the ground. I gave a choked sob and looked down ashamed._

_I expected to be scolded, but am met with warm, strong arms wrapping around me and hauling me up, supporting me against him. I looked at him a bit shocked and he returned my look with a soft smile and caring eyes._

_"But," He started and began to help me back to my father's laboratory. "There isn't any innocent bystander being mutilated so it's okay to give up for the next couple of days while you heal."_

_I could only stare before I smiled and looked down relieved. He was always kind to me._

I gave a dry chuckle and wished I could see him again before the hunger and exhaustion took over. But this was it. I was going to die in this lonely, dark world. I slowly closed my eyes and barely registered a far off shout and a group of feet running towards me before darkness overtook me.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sick in bed so I decided to write another chapter :3 I like this one better than the first and it's longer, too ^^**

**This is the original Mandarin, not the clone. I'll explain later how he reverted back to his original monkey form. :3**


	3. No Longer Red

_**I'd Rather Die Than Follow You**_

**Warnings: See Chapter 1**

**Chapter 3: Stinging Lights**

_**Mandarin's POV**_

* * *

I shuddered against the ground. It feels like cool metal against my back and I try to move my hands, but they are locked against my torso. I tried to open my tired eyes, but the sharp lighting stung my dilated pupils so I was forced to keep my eyes sealed tight. Was that sunlight? It looked different. It wasn't the same golden hue that used to warm my body as I maintained the Alchemist's gardens during the spring. It was white and biting. Like an artificial lamps hanging above you as you lie waiting for the next operation to start. I shivered at the memory and tried to roll over so I wasn't directly under that blasted light.

My bones screamed at the movement, but I turned regardless. I tried again to open my eyes and this time the light wasn't so harsh, thankfully. I pressed my heated cheek against the cool ground and found that I was staring at the whitened wall of a room. Strange. How did I end up here? Did hunger and exhaustion take me down the path of the dead? It was difficult to tell.

I pushed my hands against the ground and attempted to right myself, but my body was violently against this and I dropped again with a groan. My stomach was pained and despite my seemingly hours of sleep, I was still utterly exhausted. I thought to return to the dream world, but I didn't know if I would awaken again so I forced myself to stare at the white.

A door opened. It was a swish of a sound instead of the creek that I was used to, but it was a door nonetheless. Foot steps came next behind my lying form and I realized that I must have been a prisoner. My lips twitched into a smile and a small dry chuckle crawled from my throat. This was a more heroic death, I suppose. I've never been sure what would be labeled as a 'heroic death', but I'll just assume this goes on the list.

A hand gripped my shoulder and tugged to force me onto my back. I prepared to shut my eyes again against the stinging light, but a head blocked it. I slowly blinked and stared up that the face. It had been so long since I had seen this face; he looked much older than the child I remember, but I knew him. I gave a weak smile and reached my bound hands up to touch the familiar face. I could only speak a single, broken name before darkness overtook me again.

"_Sparx_."

**_Sparx's POV_**

Everything in my body told me to slap his hands away and to end his weakened life then and there, but...

I could only stare as he reached out with such tired, weak, SINCERE eyes and a soft smile. I had worked with Mandarin for years, but I have never seen that expression. He looked...happy, relieved. He looked at me like I was a someone he really cared for who just returned after years of being away. It caught me off guard. I was prepared for red eyes filled with violent hatred, but his eyes looked pained and vulnerable.

My heart tightened and I just couldn't find the will to harm him. So I let him draw his fingers down my cheeks and watched as he lost consciousness again. It took me a minute to realize my throat was dry and I suddenly felt weak. I let out a ragged breath and looked over him again. He looked like a stray dog. I actually felt bad for him. It was like his touch wiped away my former hostile feelings and left guilt and worry. He would die like this.

I turned away and snuck past my teammates. They didn't need to know what I was doing. The war has been tough on everyone and they needed sleep.

I should be sleeping, too, but my raging anger toward our former leader kept me up and I could only think of my fingers wrapped tightly around his neck as his eyes pleaded for mercy. So I was going to kill him. Yeah, that was my original plan.

I stopped just outside the kitchen door and could barely grasp my sudden mood swing.

I was going to kill him, but now I was going to help him?

I pressed my hand against my chest and could feel my heart pounding. Why was it pounding? Adrenaline? Guilt? Anxiety? I couldn't tell, but I had a strange feeling. A foreign, but familiar feeling. I felt like I had seen those eyes before. Like a lost, nostalgic memory. It honestly scared me.

I grabbed food and water before making my way back down the hallway. It was just because he's weak, I decided. Once he's regained his strength, he'll be back to his hell self and I'll be able to end him. Yeah...I'm not going to kill someone defenseless, that would be wrong. I'm not evil like him. Once he's healed. Then I'll do it...

-

It's been two weeks and Mandarin looks a lot healthier. He actually has some meat on his bones and he was able to bathe himself so his fur looks brighter and healthier. The rest of the team had been busy the past few weeks so I've been the only one to see and care for him. If they've had any suspicion that I was caring for him like a pet, they didn't say.

I unlocked the door and entered with a tray of the usual food and water and he looked up at me with wide eyes, but made no move from his corner across from the door. I really should give him food through the slot since he's a lot stronger now, but for some reason, I knew he wouldn't attempt to escape. He just stayed in his corner and took the food without question. And I would sit across from him and watch. We never said anything. He tried to strike a conversation when he started getting his voice back some days back, but I stopped him saying I didn't want to hear what he had to say. So he just stayed silent quietly eating, occasionally looking at me.

His eyes have changed. Not just the emotion behind his black orbs, but his pupils. I always saw them red, but they were a pure white now, like mine. It was weird. It still surprised me whenever I saw him. I felt like I've never met this Mandarin before. Well, I have, but I don't remember it. I just remember the cold, cruel leader we once followed. Not this quiet, warm monkey. I know I don't know him, but...

I close my eyes with a sigh and suddenly all those lost hours of sleep are catching up to me. I could just doze off any...moment...

"Do you know who I am?" His tone was soft, but it snapped me out of my daze and I looked at him again.

I thought he was just screwing with me, but he  
held a certain curiosity in eyes and I felt I could only play along.

"You're Mandarin." He smiled a little, seemingly pleased that I knew his name. "Our former traitorous leader."

He smile instantly faded. He wasn't pleased with that answer. And I could see confusion spark in his eyes.

"Oh...?" He looked down and I couldn't understand why he seemed so disappointed.

"What?" I asked almost angrily. Who else could he be?

His smile threw me off and made my blood boil. It was a pity smile. A smile that read: 'Oh, you poor thing.' It seemed haughty to me and it was as though he was looking down at me.

He just continued with that damn smile. "You...you haven't retrieved your memories have you?"

Retrieved them?

"What do you mean by that?" Is it even possible to get back those lost memories? We never really spoke about it so I assumed it was impossible.

"Your memories from my father's..." He stopped and suddenly looked a little choked up, glancing down sadly before returning my stare. "From the Alchemist's time?"

...

"No, we don't have those memories. We didn't know we could get them back..."

Mandarin nodded half-heartedly. "So you really don't remember me..."

I scoffed. "You're a traitor. What else is there to know?"

His black eyes looked concerned and a frown was deeply etched in his muzzle. "I don't recall that."

That caught my attention.

"What? Don't tell me you have amnesia after all the shit you put us through." I glared at him, but he seemed unfazed, like it was a common gesture.

"I'm sorry...I don't know what you're talking about. I have never been a traitor nor a leader."

...

"Then what the hell do you remember?"

* * *

**_A/N: Now the past is starting to crawl forward :)_**

**_I have a lot of outcomes and different situations for this AU type fic so I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this fic ^^; Let's just see how things turn out :'D_**


	4. The First Lock

_**I'd Rather Die Than Follow You**_

**Warnings: See Chapter 1**

**Chapter 4: The First Lock**

_**Mandarin's POV**_

* * *

_The day was hot and the sunlight was beating down on my back as I move around the garden. The soil was soft as I buried a shallow hole, popping a couple of seeds into the hole before patting the soil back on top of it._

_The first of spring was always my favorite. It was a time of sunlight and new life. I was always happy to tend to the frost-bitten garden and to replant the flowers from the spring before. I hummed softly as I worked on the softened soil and I felt like this year's garden would be more splendid than the last._

_I almost didn't notice a form slowly walk towards me, but after years of my brother intense training, it was pure instinct that made me feel the other's sly presence._

_"Don't even think to jump me, SPRX-77." I said smoothly and the form froze. "You'll ruin the garden."_

_I heard a loud, heaving sigh and a mass of red plopped down beside me. "No fair...just once, I want to get you..." He grumbled under his breath and I couldn't help but to smile and chuckle softly._

_I looked at him and his face was twisted into a disapproval scowl. SPRX-77, or Sparx as we call him, was the oldest of the three children we took in many years ago and although it seemed like I've only been taking care of him for weeks, he's grown tremendously. He went from the cautious child that would growl at anyone who got near his brother to the confident young man who only wishes to get stronger and to defeat my brother and I. It was quite humorous._

_"It will happen one day, Sparx. You just have to be patient." He gave me a skeptical glance, but I only smiled back._

_He looked away with a pout. "And what about Mr. Smug?"_

_I knew I shouldn't laugh at my brother's nickname, but I let out a soft chuckle anyway. "He is much stronger than me so it will probably be years before you have the chance to defeat him."_

_Another dramatic sigh and Sparx dropped back onto the grass. "This sucks...how am I suppose to beat that bastard...?"_

_"Language, '77." I said sternly and I barely heard Sparx's soft apology. "You will get there but it will take years of training before you do."_

_"Great...and until then, I'll just stay weak..."_

_I smiled humorously and shook my head. "Well, aren't you positive this morning?"_

_"Do you blame me?" He grumbled. "The 'lieutenant' decided to wake us up via speaker phone...I think I still hear ringing..."_

_"Ah," I nodded my head in understanding. "That must have been why your stealthiness was so horrendous."_

_Sparx choked in surprise and looked shocked and hurt. "Mandarin!"_

_I laughed and Sparx soon joined in._

xxxxxxx

"Then what the hell do you remember?"

I wasn't quite sure how to answer his question. So many things happened before I blacked out. Where do I start? From the beginning? It would take too long to tell what I remember from the beginning. What would be a good thing to tell him? I don't even know who his teammates are. I don't know if the rest of the children are with him or if he found new teammates. Hopefully the first thought is true...

"..." He was becoming impatient with me as I thought to myself and he opened his mouth, probably to scold me, but I spoke first. "A battle. A dark hand."

Sparx held a puzzled expression. "A hand...?"

"Yes...my brothers and I were fighting and...a hand grabbed me and I blacked out...that's all I remember."

I could see the wheels in Sparx's mind turned as he took in the information. "When...did that happen?"

I looked around and I honestly didn't know. I was not even sure what year it was.

"I'm not sure...how long has it been since the Alchemist turned evil?"

I was taken aback by his shocked expression and I saw a slight tremble in his hands. "Decades...that was decades ago..."

I solemnly looked to the ground and gave a slow nod. "Yes, I figured. You have changed a lot since I last spoke to you..."

He seemed interested now and opened his mouth to speak again, but a shrilling alarm went off, startling me.

Sparx cursed under his breath and jumped up. He pointed at me and said in a low growl. "When I get back, you're going to tell me everything."

All I could do was agree as he ran off. It was strange to hear such a tone from him; I saw my brother for a moment.

xxxxxxxx

Sparx's POV

The room felt cold and heavy. Everyone looked like they could drop from exhaustion or break from frustration. Gibson's voice was strained as he voiced our threat.

Formless. Of course.

We reluctantly rushed to our tubes and ejected from the super robot. Chiro shouted orders and we went out separate ways. Pairs of two, multiple sectors, same old. Antauri brushed past me and I obediently followed after.

I should have noticed.

Antauri was obviously tired and stressed. I knew that he had been having trouble sleeping, meditation had become a chore for him, and he had been eating less. I should have noticed, but I had been so focused on Mandarin, I didn't.

So I was caught completely off guard when I saw silver slashed red.

The formless had gotten quicker and stronger and Antauri wasn't himself. It almost seemed too easy for an ambush to occur and a black claw to tear his flesh.

But it still surprised me.

Blood was dangerously flowing out of him by the time I fell to his side. I cursed stupidly and tried to stop the bleeding, but blood just ran through my fingers. His eyes faded in and out and I knew he was trying to stay awake, but I knew it was hard.

Almost impossible.

xxxxxxxx

I couldn't speak when he grabbed me by the shoulders as soon as I walked through the door. My instinct should have been to shove him off me, but I was just so tired and I felt like the dried blood on my hands was weighing me down.

"Is he alright!?" Mandarin spoke frantically and genuine concern filled his eyes.

I gave him a suspicious look. "Who?"

"Antauri! Is he alright?"

At that, I roughly shoved our former leader who remarkably kept his footing and only moved a few inches. I glared angrily at him. "How did you know he got injured? Are you some sort of spy for the Skeleton King!?"

He looked hurt. "What? No!"

"Then how the fuck-!" I started but was thrown off by Mandarin's cold stare and stern voice.

"Language, '77!"

I felt like I had been scolded by a mother. It was weird, but strangely familiar. I don't know how or why, but my anger faded and my voice became calmer, but still stern.

"How," I said slowly. "Did you know?"

Mandarin seemed pleased with my tone. "I felt it."

I raised a brow quizzedly and repeated him questionably. "You...felt it?"

"Yes."

I stared for a few moments just trying to wrap my head around his words for what's felt like the hundredth time today. "...How?"

"Because he's my brother."

* * *

**_A/N: Who saw that coming? XD I'm not sure how fast I'll be able to put out new chapters since I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story, but we'll see ^^;_**


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